I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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