What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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