its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
