I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Of course I have a pirate flag
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
