Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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