Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize