I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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