I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
