he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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