"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
