i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
