I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
