Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
