in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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