Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
