He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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