watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
