Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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