So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Actions speak louder than pants.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
