Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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