I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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