When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
