Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
worst night to have a conscience
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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