9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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