I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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