Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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