apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
