i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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