Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
