So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
