physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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