I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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