i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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