I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
