You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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