well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
