What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
