Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
