now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
God, I missed his penis.
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