I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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