When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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