I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize