Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
