my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
