When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
