i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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