4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
