So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize