I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
