If that was your dad, he is hot
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
