Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sarcasm needs its own font
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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