Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
