Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
