Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
