so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
