apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
