Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
