I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
