now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
