Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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