i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
