i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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