she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
