You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
