You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
