i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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