Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
