I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
