Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize