I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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