If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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