Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we're so committed to being not committed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
