I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
