whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
