I will die if light touches me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love how my cats smell like pot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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