Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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