I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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