I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
