spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
