My room smells like vodka and shame
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize