Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
