dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
