just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
