So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
