im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
