By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
