I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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