Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
