Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We need to rekindle our bromance
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
