Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
